Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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