This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
