did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
