The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
