What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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