Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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