i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
