At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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