did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
