How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well you can't waste a boner
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
