Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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