I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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