He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
