There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
