You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
