she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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