Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
