Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
