How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
