In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
