The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
