I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
