he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This baby is an asshole
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Someone came in the potted fern
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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