It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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