she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
