im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
