Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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