What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
