Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Then you guys just all showered together...?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize