: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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