Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
