On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
