u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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