Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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