I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
