Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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