The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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