i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
