just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just pee around me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
