I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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