i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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