Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You smell like stripper and shame
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
