Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
