please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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