and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
