I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
did i walk over a car last night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize