Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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