sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
