WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
