What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
