nut hugger
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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