Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
