Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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