she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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