tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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