We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
