I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
