We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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