I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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