i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
