I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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