I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
