im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
