do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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