so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize