So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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