Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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