i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
