Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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