There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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