Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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