If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
