i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
