she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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