She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Less talking, more tequila
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
