Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize