Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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