Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
