So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
